Shopping Cart
Your Cart is Empty
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should be receiving an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Cart

Mercy Christian Counseling

NCCA Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counseling with Temperament

Counselor's Corner

Counselor's Corner


Posted by mercycounseling on July 9, 2018 at 10:35 AM

Old griefs, resentments, abuses, injustices, and losses can have a crippling influence on the human psyche. An inability or unwillingness to forgive the past impairs the present and darkens your prospects for a happy future.

I think about Allen, whose father constantly belittled him as a child, no matter how hard he tried or how well he did. Allen came to counseling, a man of nearly 60 and successful by any reasonable standard, in many ways still that young boy who wished only for his now dead father’s approval. He said, “I wish he could see me now.” Self-doubt and depression were his frequent companions.

Angie, a brilliant and dedicated professional at the top of her career, was crushed under the hammer of a heartless, unreasonable employer until she mentally broke down under the heavy-handed injustice. She was forced out of a career that gave meaning to her life. She is in bondage to the memory of a life and status she can no longer have. She lives with a heavy burden of bitterness and fear.

Melody was sexually molested in the church at a young age, and then again as a teen. Her parents and church leaders blamed the molestation on her. As an adult she has rejected the church and bears deep resentment toward her parents. She struggles to maintain a moral center because those who should have protected her failed to do so. The universe seems chaotic. She is angry and openly rebellious.

These are just three examples of what people face every day. You may be able to point back in time to an event that changed you in a negative way, a memory that you frequently rehearse in your mind. It’s a memory that colors your everyday world and keeps part of you stuck in the past, unable to be what you want to be. You bump up against it sometimes even if you’ve managed to keep it pushed down most of the time. If this is happening to you, it’s time to open your prison door, step through into the light, and slam that door shut behind you. You can do it!

To heal from the past will require you to change your focus, so I want to give you something else—actually someone else—to focus on. That Someone is God. You need to know that He is aware of your struggle, and He has not and will not leave you alone in your sorrow and anger.

A promise from the Lord that spans all time is given in Deuteronomy 31:6 and reiterated in Hebrews 13:5:

“Be strong and of good courage., do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”

He is the God who sees. He knows your affliction. He also knows His purpose for you. Yes, He does have a purpose for you. Your life is more than you think. It was never God’s intention that you would try to make everything work on your own. Some responsibilities do belong to you, but not all of them. Some belong to God. For example, ruling in judgment over injustice. Some things happen simply because of the fact of sin in the world—sins of others and sins of ourselves. We can barely control our own propensity to sin. We cannot control the choices of others. And while God does not force His will on anyone, that in no way nullifies the fact that he has a purpose for you. Furthermore, God does not focus on the past, and He doesn’t want you to either.

Jeremiah 29:11 reassures us that God has a plan:

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

God’s thoughts toward you are thoughts of peace. He is not angry with you. He did not punish you. He did not perpetrate evil against you. No, He wants to give you a future full of hope. If this is true, why then must we struggle? Because sin is in the world.

The good news is, God’s perspective is that the struggle has purpose. When you align your perspective with God’s perspective, you can apply those golden nuggets of wisdom that are the fruit of your struggle. Then you will have found the profound keys to your own healing, which are born of an understanding of a greater good. Romans 5:1-5 gives us God’s perspective on the good purpose for our struggles:

“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

If you would be free of your past, you must accept that it happened and stop holding out for some miracle that will somehow make it all right. That usually doesn’t happen. You are the only one who can make a choice to walk out of your prison and slam the door behind you. The past cannot change, but you can change. You can reclaim your freedom by trusting in God and forgiving your past. Forgiveness is not meant for those who hurt you; it is meant to free you from your prison. When you forgive, you agree to accept the consequences of others’ bad behaviors (or even your own) and stamp the debt PAID. When the debt is paid, you no longer have a claim on it. It is as if it never happened. That’s what it takes to get free.

Rest in God. It is His job to avenge His children, not yours. You can move on with your life knowing that the God Who Sees will take care of the past in due time. I will leave you with a few final promises from the Word of God. In the meantime, when your mind wants to focus on past hurts, turn your eyes instead heavenward, “and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.”

Matthew 11:28-30—"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Matthew 5:43-44—"You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you”

Psalm 37:7—"Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him; do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.”

Proverbs 3:5-6—"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”

Psalm 37:10—"For yet a little while and the wicked shall be no more; Indeed, you will look carefully for his place, but it shall be no more.”

Hebrews 10:37--“For yet a little while, and He who is coming will come and will not tarry.”

As you read and ponder these words, I pray that your faith in God may be like a great well of healing water for your heart and mind. I pray that you will know that the past does not define you. I pray that you will choose to shut the door on your past and live!

Susan A. Haberkorn, Ph.D.

NCCA Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor

Categories: None

Post a Comment


Oops, you forgot something.


The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

Already a member? Sign In


Reply supreme hoodie
6:56 PM on March 14, 2022 
My husband and i felt really joyous that Emmanuel could round up his web research through the entire precious recommendations he came across while using the web pages. It is now and again perplexing to simply possibly be giving out key points which usually people could have been selling. And we do know we need the blog owner to give thanks to because of that. All the illustrations you made, the simple blog navigation, the relationships you will help to instill - it's most powerful, and it's really helping our son and us feel that the issue is amusing, which is certainly very pressing. Thank you for the whole thing!
supreme hoodie
Reply kawhi leonard shoes
1:10 PM on March 12, 2022 
I enjoy you because of all of the efforts on this web page. Kim really loves doing internet research and it is simple to grasp why. My spouse and i notice all regarding the dynamic tactic you render good guidelines on your web site and as well welcome contribution from visitors about this concept while my daughter is actually studying so much. Take pleasure in the rest of the new year. You have been performing a brilliant job.
kawhi leonard shoes
Reply yeezys
1:09 PM on March 12, 2022 
I am also writing to let you know of the great encounter my wife's princess obtained going through your webblog. She discovered plenty of pieces, not to mention how it is like to possess a marvelous helping spirit to make many more clearly master several impossible topics. You really did more than readers' desires. I appreciate you for giving such interesting, trustworthy, revealing and also unique tips on this topic to Jane.
Reply kyrie 7
1:08 PM on March 12, 2022 
I would like to express my thanks to you just for bailing me out of this particular scenario. After scouting throughout the search engines and coming across thoughts which were not pleasant, I believed my life was done. Existing minus the approaches to the problems you have fixed all through your good blog post is a crucial case, as well as the ones which may have negatively affected my career if I hadn't noticed your web site. Your primary mastery and kindness in handling every aspect was useful. I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't encountered such a point like this. I can now relish my future. Thanks for your time very much for this high quality and result oriented guide. I will not be reluctant to propose your web page to any individual who needs and wants guide about this subject.
kyrie 7
Reply kyrie 7 shoes
1:06 PM on March 12, 2022 
I not to mention my friends happened to be examining the excellent tips and tricks on your web blog then at once came up with a horrible suspicion I had not thanked the web site owner for those tips. The guys were excited to see all of them and have in fact been taking pleasure in these things. We appreciate you turning out to be very considerate and also for figuring out this sort of incredible themes millions of individuals are really desirous to be informed on. My honest apologies for not saying thanks to earlier.
kyrie 7 shoes
Reply lebron shoes
12:36 PM on March 12, 2022 
I must convey my admiration for your generosity for visitors who must have help on your concern. Your special commitment to passing the solution all through became unbelievably effective and have all the time permitted employees just like me to realize their targets. Your interesting guide means a lot a person like me and much more to my office workers. Thanks a ton; from everyone of us.
lebron shoes
Reply golden goose shoes
8:12 AM on March 10, 2022 
I and also my friends appeared to be going through the great guidelines from your web site and then I got a horrible feeling I never thanked the blog owner for those tips. My young boys were definitely totally happy to read through them and have clearly been enjoying those things. I appreciate you for actually being quite thoughtful and also for deciding upon certain tremendous information millions of individuals are really desperate to be informed on. Our honest apologies for not saying thanks to you earlier.
golden goose shoes
Reply yeezys
7:45 AM on March 10, 2022 
Thank you so much for giving everyone remarkably special chance to discover important secrets from this blog. It really is very superb and also jam-packed with a great time for me and my office peers to visit your web site at the least three times weekly to find out the newest guides you have got. Not to mention, I am also certainly astounded concerning the beautiful ideas you give. Some two points in this post are clearly the most effective we've ever had.
Reply hermes
7:44 AM on March 10, 2022 
My wife and i were very lucky that Ervin could round up his inquiry via the precious recommendations he discovered when using the web pages. It's not at all simplistic to simply always be handing out information which some other people could have been trying to sell. And we all realize we have got the blog owner to give thanks to for this. The entire illustrations you've made, the easy blog menu, the friendships you will make it possible to engender - it's got most amazing, and it's really facilitating our son and the family understand the theme is fun, and that's wonderfully important. Thank you for all!
Reply air jordan
7:43 AM on March 10, 2022 
I really wanted to write down a simple remark so as to thank you for all of the stunning facts you are writing on this website. My particularly long internet search has finally been honored with good facts and techniques to go over with my great friends. I would declare that many of us site visitors are rather endowed to exist in a useful website with very many marvellous professionals with helpful guidelines. I feel truly lucky to have encountered your website and look forward to some more awesome minutes reading here. Thanks a lot once more for a lot of things.
air jordan
Reply moncler
7:42 AM on March 10, 2022 
A lot of thanks for your entire labor on this website. Kim enjoys doing investigation and it is easy to understand why. We hear all relating to the powerful manner you convey informative information via the blog and even welcome response from the others on this area while our favorite daughter has always been studying a lot of things. Take advantage of the remaining portion of the year. You have been conducting a stunning job.
Reply off white clothing
7:42 AM on March 10, 2022 
I enjoy you because of all your valuable efforts on this site. My aunt really loves conducting research and it's obvious why. We learn all relating to the compelling way you provide precious information via the website and recommend response from other ones about this area plus our princess is now understanding so much. Take pleasure in the rest of the year. You are performing a glorious job.
off white clothing
Reply off white
7:41 AM on March 10, 2022 
My husband and i were quite joyous when Jordan could do his analysis through the precious recommendations he obtained using your site. It's not at all simplistic just to happen to be releasing techniques which most people might have been making money from. We know we need the blog owner to appreciate for that. All the illustrations you made, the simple website navigation, the relationships you will give support to promote - it's got mostly excellent, and it's facilitating our son in addition to us consider that that subject matter is enjoyable, which is really indispensable. Thank you for the whole lot!
off white
Reply moncler
4:57 AM on March 8, 2022 
I want to show some appreciation to you for bailing me out of such a setting. Right after researching throughout the world wide web and seeing ideas which are not pleasant, I was thinking my life was done. Being alive without the answers to the issues you've fixed through your main guide is a serious case, and the ones which could have adversely damaged my entire career if I had not encountered your blog post. That ability and kindness in maneuvering all the pieces was helpful. I'm not sure what I would've done if I hadn't come across such a subject like this. I can also now look ahead to my future. Thanks a lot so much for your high quality and results-oriented help. I won't hesitate to refer the website to any individual who should have guidance about this subject matter.
Reply moncler jackets
4:36 AM on March 8, 2022 
My spouse and i have been really satisfied when Raymond could round up his investigation by way of the ideas he received while using the web page. It is now and again perplexing to just continually be releasing guidance which usually some others have been selling. And we all discover we need the writer to give thanks to for this. The type of explanations you've made, the easy blog navigation, the friendships you help engender - it's many astonishing, and it's really making our son in addition to the family reason why that subject is pleasurable, which is certainly highly serious. Many thanks for all!
moncler jackets
Reply kyrie 5 spongebob
3:52 AM on March 6, 2022 
A lot of thanks for all of your hard work on this blog. My niece really likes setting aside time for research and it's really easy to see why. I know all relating to the lively ways you create insightful techniques via the website and as well as attract contribution from other people on the matter while our girl is truly understanding a lot of things. Enjoy the remaining portion of the year. You're conducting a terrific job.
kyrie 5 spongebob
Reply yeezy boost 350
3:52 AM on March 6, 2022 
I would like to express thanks to this writer for rescuing me from this problem. Just after surfing around through the online world and coming across suggestions which were not helpful, I thought my life was well over. Living minus the answers to the problems you have solved by means of your entire guideline is a crucial case, as well as the ones that could have adversely damaged my entire career if I hadn't encountered your web page. Your personal mastery and kindness in taking care of all things was important. I am not sure what I would have done if I had not come upon such a solution like this. I can at this time look ahead to my future. Thanks for your time very much for this high quality and amazing guide. I will not hesitate to suggest your blog post to anybody who should have counselling about this area.
yeezy boost 350
Reply hermes belts
3:52 AM on March 6, 2022 
Thanks for your own labor on this web site. Betty really likes getting into investigations and it is obvious why. Almost all know all of the dynamic manner you deliver powerful guidance through the web site and as well as cause participation from other ones about this point plus our own daughter is without question discovering a lot. Have fun with the remaining portion of the new year. You are always carrying out a pretty cool job.
hermes belts
Reply golden goose sneakers
3:51 AM on March 6, 2022 
I wish to express my affection for your generosity giving support to all those that require help on this theme. Your very own commitment to passing the message all-around had been really insightful and has always enabled professionals like me to attain their endeavors. Your new helpful facts indicates a great deal to me and even more to my colleagues. Regards; from all of us.
golden goose sneakers
Reply supreme clothing
3:51 AM on March 6, 2022 
I as well as my guys appeared to be digesting the nice helpful hints found on the website and so then got a terrible feeling I never expressed respect to the web blog owner for those strategies. These young boys were certainly happy to read through all of them and already have actually been taking advantage of those things. Thank you for simply being really kind as well as for having this kind of very good areas most people are really wanting to be informed on. Our own honest apologies for not expressing appreciation to earlier.
supreme clothing