Shopping Cart
Your Cart is Empty
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should be receiving an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Cart

Mercy Christian Counseling

NCCA Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counseling with Temperament

Counselor's Corner

Counselor's Corner

The Rule of Church

Posted by mercycounseling on July 29, 2021 at 9:40 AM

The Rule of Church


Recently a client expressed how phony and guilty she felt regarding her church experience. The gist of the guilt feelings had to do with expectations laid down by church leadership toward church members that my client felt herself at odds with. After more than a decade of membership, my client was feeling the toll of trying to live what felt like a double life. The situation was causing her to doubt her faith and affect her marriage and family. She was frustrated because she could not motivate her spouse to “keep the rules” when she herself was not able to crack the whip due to a new work schedule. It turns out that he disagreed with the rules and avoided them when he could. She came to me seeking answers and relief.


After a short discussion, I realized that my client was struggling with church culture, not biblical instruction. The particular “rule” causing problems for her had to do with the cultural value and expectation that church members would be at church every time the doors were open. She referred to this norm as “three to thrive.” Before she started a new job, she saw to it that her family met this expectation “religiously.” With Sunday work now required of her such that she could not always attend church, she tried to keep her family in compliance with this rule, but to no avail, leaving her feeling frustrated, anxious, and guilty. She was in terrible bondage to the rules of man!


We examined what the Bible says about attendance. Nowhere in the Bible does it lay down a commandment for the frequency of church attendance. It shows that Christians typically met on the first day of the week (Acts 20:7), and that we are not to forsake assembling with other believers (Hebrews 10:25).


Three to thrive is just one example of cultural norms that are not biblical; there are many others that one may encounter. Most are simply embedded in a particular church’s culture.


Every church develops a specific culture that makes a congregation unique. It is a function of both church teaching and group dynamics. Traditions of the denomination also come into play. Fitting in is important to maintain unity and peace, which are biblical principles (Titus 3:9; Ephesians 4:1-6). However, being fully grounded in the scriptures is needed so that you can understand what is truly biblical and what is merely cultural. With that knowledge, one can make a reasoned choice whether to continue in a particular church.


In my opinion, if non-biblical church expectations are leaving you feeling defeated, guilty, angry, frustrated . . . and if you find yourself feeling judged and rejected because of an inability or unwillingness to meet the cultural expectations . . . it may be time to move on. But before you do, I urge you to speak frankly with your pastor about what you are feeling. It may not be the pastor’s intention to have you feel that way at all.


You also need to ask yourself if your discomfort is grounded in truth or assumption. Many people with certain temperament types just naturally tend to see rejection but this is often only in their mind. That’s why communication is so important. Good communication can help you sort out perception versus reality.



Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection were meant to set us free from the old covenant law, sin, and death. Understanding the cultural norms of your church as compared to scriptural commands is paramount to experiencing healthy church membership. Armed with knowledge of both, you will find peace.


“Therefore, if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.” (John 8:36)


Stand on His promises and truth! Blessings to you!



Categories: None

Post a Comment


Oops, you forgot something.


The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

Already a member? Sign In


Reply jordan shoes
1:44 AM on January 19, 2022 
I simply wanted to thank you very much once again. I do not know the things I might have accomplished without the actual information shared by you directly on such a subject. It has been the scary situation for me, but being able to view the skilled approach you solved the issue forced me to jump for delight. I am thankful for this help and in addition trust you really know what an amazing job your are doing instructing many people through your websites. I know that you have never encountered any of us.
jordan shoes
Reply yeezy
6:22 PM on January 18, 2022 
A lot of thanks for each of your efforts on this website. My niece takes pleasure in getting into research and it's simple to grasp why. All of us learn all about the lively medium you convey very useful items by means of the blog and therefore cause contribution from some other people on this issue so our favorite child is without question becoming educated so much. Take advantage of the remaining portion of the new year. You're carrying out a good job.
Reply nike off white
1:20 PM on January 16, 2022 
I needed to post you that little bit of remark to finally give thanks over again with your precious solutions you've provided on this website. This has been pretty open-handed of people like you to offer publicly what exactly a lot of folks would have offered for sale as an electronic book in order to make some cash for their own end, primarily considering the fact that you could have done it if you decided. The pointers as well served as a good way to understand that most people have a similar dreams the same as my own to grasp great deal more in regard to this matter. I know there are millions of more pleasant instances up front for individuals who start reading your site.
nike off white
Reply alexander mcqueen outlet
5:25 PM on January 15, 2022 
I would like to show my appreciation to you for rescuing me from this type of challenge. Just after looking through the search engines and meeting solutions which are not helpful, I was thinking my life was gone. Living without the strategies to the difficulties you've resolved through your website is a critical case, and ones that might have badly damaged my career if I hadn't noticed the blog. Your main know-how and kindness in playing with all things was very useful. I'm not sure what I would have done if I had not come upon such a subject like this. I am able to now look ahead to my future. Thanks a lot very much for your expert and sensible help. I won't think twice to propose your web page to any individual who needs and wants guidance on this subject.
alexander mcqueen outlet
Reply air jordan shoes
9:15 AM on January 15, 2022 
I not to mention my friends were found to be analyzing the nice solutions found on the website then immediately developed a horrible suspicion I had not thanked you for them. All of the people were definitely as a result stimulated to read all of them and now have undoubtedly been tapping into them. Thanks for turning out to be really thoughtful and then for figuring out this form of fabulous subject areas most people are really desirous to be informed on. My honest apologies for not expressing appreciation to sooner.
air jordan shoes
Reply kobe 9
9:15 AM on January 15, 2022 
My husband and i were now peaceful when Edward could finish off his investigations through the ideas he was given out of your web pages. It's not at all simplistic to just possibly be giving freely key points most people could have been trying to sell. Therefore we take into account we have got the blog owner to thank for this. All the explanations you have made, the straightforward site navigation, the friendships you will help foster - it's got all fabulous, and it's making our son in addition to the family know that that subject is interesting, which is certainly rather mandatory. Thanks for the whole thing!
kobe 9
Reply kyrie shoes
9:12 AM on January 15, 2022 
I together with my friends happened to be looking at the great advice from the blog and all of a sudden I got a horrible suspicion I had not expressed respect to the web blog owner for those tips. All the women are actually as a consequence happy to learn them and have now truly been enjoying them. I appreciate you for indeed being quite accommodating as well as for figuring out these kinds of outstanding useful guides most people are really needing to be informed on. Our own honest apologies for not expressing gratitude to you sooner.
kyrie shoes
Reply jordan shoes
9:12 AM on January 15, 2022 
I wanted to send you a little observation to say thank you once again with the pleasant information you've contributed on this page. This is simply pretty generous with people like you giving unreservedly precisely what a lot of folks might have supplied as an e book to help make some dough for their own end, chiefly considering that you could have done it in the event you decided. The tactics additionally worked to become a great way to fully grasp that other people have the identical passion like my own to grasp a good deal more in respect of this problem. I think there are a lot more fun moments ahead for individuals who scan your site.
jordan shoes
Reply kd 12
7:23 AM on January 14, 2022 
I must show thanks to you just for rescuing me from this particular scenario. After scouting through the online world and getting basics that were not helpful, I was thinking my life was gone. Being alive without the presence of solutions to the difficulties you've sorted out all through this article is a serious case, as well as those that would have in a wrong way damaged my career if I hadn't come across your website. Your actual training and kindness in controlling all the stuff was invaluable. I am not sure what I would've done if I hadn't discovered such a solution like this. I'm able to at this moment look ahead to my future. Thanks for your time so much for this specialized and sensible guide. I will not think twice to refer your web site to anyone who requires guide on this subject matter.
kd 12
Reply golden goose
11:09 PM on January 12, 2022 
Thanks a lot for giving everyone a very memorable chance to read from this website. It can be so useful plus full of a great time for me and my office acquaintances to visit your blog the equivalent of 3 times weekly to study the latest guidance you have got. And indeed, I am just certainly happy for the brilliant solutions served by you. Certain two ideas in this posting are absolutely the most beneficial I have had.
golden goose
Reply kobe shoes
12:05 AM on January 10, 2022 
My husband and i were now contented that Michael could round up his research because of the ideas he came across from your own weblog. It's not at all simplistic just to choose to be making a gift of guidelines some people could have been making money from. And we already know we now have the website owner to be grateful to for that. The entire explanations you've made, the easy site navigation, the relationships you will help to engender - it is many exceptional, and it is aiding our son and us do think that subject is satisfying, which is really pressing. Thanks for the whole thing!
kobe shoes
Reply westbrook shoes
1:09 AM on January 9, 2022 
Needed to write you one very small note to be able to say thanks as before for those spectacular views you've featured in this case. It has been so remarkably open-handed of people like you giving easily all many individuals would've made available as an electronic book to generate some dough for themselves, most importantly seeing that you could possibly have done it if you considered necessary. These inspiring ideas likewise worked to be the good way to understand that other people have the identical fervor similar to my own to grasp lots more around this problem. I know there are many more pleasant moments up front for folks who find out your site.
westbrook shoes
Reply air jordan shoes
6:30 PM on January 8, 2022 
I am only commenting to let you know of the incredible experience our child found checking yuor web blog. She picked up a lot of things, which included how it is like to possess an excellent giving style to get others really easily know precisely various complex things. You actually surpassed her expected results. I appreciate you for presenting such invaluable, safe, explanatory and in addition cool tips about the topic to Julie.
air jordan shoes
Reply authentic jordans
3:32 PM on January 6, 2022 
I have to express my gratitude for your generosity in support of those people who really need guidance on this one area. Your special dedication to passing the message around had become definitely informative and have specifically enabled workers much like me to get to their dreams. Your own invaluable report means a great deal to me and somewhat more to my fellow workers. With thanks; from all of us.
authentic jordans
Reply Sdvillinfop
2:15 PM on October 30, 2021 
shop bachem
Tegs: shop bachem com

wacker chemie ag